Just go slow and keep it wet. It might take some time to build up your tongue strength and loosen up the opening, but I believe in you. Go forth and achieve your dreams.

If that moment of introspection concludes with you being happy with your path and current situation, then who am I to judge. Carry on with your ballonilingus and be happy.

1. Fill a balloon with the gas
2. Stick your tongue in the balloon sphincter
3. Wiggle your tongue
4. Reconsider the decisions you’ve made that led your life to this point

That damn search bar was the only reason I ever started looking at launchers. I used LG and Samsung phones for years and wanted a more streamlined interface closer to stock android, so I got a pixel.

And the very first time I turned it on, I was incredibly disappointed to see this giant Google logo nailed to the bottom of the screen, existing only to provide functionality that I don’t want.

So into the launcher rabbit hole I dove.